Death of a life once lived (Yeah that's right, punk has been dead) the punker inside me has died!

Death of a life once lived (Yeah that's right, punk has been dead.).

I woke up this morning with a weird sense of nuance. I remember when I went to the Crow show, I here in Los Angeles out in Long Beach around May or June. t was at an Italian restaurant. I went with my friend Brian and Donna that night. I was not disappointed nor disillusioned, but relieved. I watched everything that was going on. From the punk rockers and bands to the record sellers and security to the cars driving by on the road in front of the restaurant. I was relieved. This breathe of fresh air was because, I knew in my heart that I was not going to go to these events anymore, that I did not have to promote this event, that my heart has evaporated from something I once loved more dearly than life, that I knew it all has become a farce and what I have learned over the years from some decent personalities all have moved on to something better, which is what I planned on doing.

It is really a special moment to not have to give support to bullshit and superficiality such as underground music events. They have become quite the illustrious affairs. The politics and the power once attached to this genre of music has evaporated with the people who began it. The ideals of the many people and bands have been expressed on stage and off stage has gone with them. I think I know why? They have seen these crowds and fans while they perform; they peered into their eyes and tasted the squalor and rampage to proceed the emptiness and confusion they contained.

So, i inject this thought to that musician who stand playing his instrument or holding a mic: When death comes calling where will you be? A voice would echo in their heads. I believe some of them said to themselves, "Not by the sea or by the field of squalor, but where my heart and my soul has taken me before to a nirvana, to a land distant from this dismal culture we have given rise to. Away from this dead revolt filled with hopelessness, hypocrisy, apathy, and slothful arrogance, which has given rise to a culture contained in the doubt of humanity and spirit. This was not my intention as a musician to give people false hope; my intention was to share a piece of my soul and renew a spirit in the dead souls whom walk amongst the dead."

How so very true, how so very true. What we always intent in the beginning may never end the way we wish to see it. I believe at that show I saw the end of freedom and the beginning of something new in my heart. For, my heart was not in it anymore. I discovered there is more life, more adventure, more culture, more knowledge, more expression, more people, more excitement, and more spirit in other places in this city and around the world. As for those punks who seek to find what they are looking for, i hope they find it soon. There will not be times like this anymore for there is a slow creeping death withering such forums. For now, I will take my heart, my soul, and my spirit with me during my educational and my physical endeavors. I believe this avenues is where my strengths derive. Today, i lay to rest who I once was and begin to unravel who I have now become. This is what the Buddha names by "Satori" or "enlightenment." I have detached from my past, my withering spirit, and my quivering old soul into the new one I have invest and i have built. Today is a new in my life. ZEN DESU YO 全ですよ！私おいきますよ！